Have you become a victim of the slow blow-off? Are you waiting by the phone maybe just a little too long? Have you checked your email more times today than you will admit out loud? Maybe these things are happening because he’s lost interest. The first question, of course, will be why? Just when things seemed so good, poof, he pulls a Houdini. Why do men do that? Some experts say it’s a required part of the course of your relationship; others will say he’s just not that into you. Knowing why will help you prevent the blow-off again or will at least help you correct it the next time it does happen to you.
- You’re on a different relationship page than him. This is one of the most common reasons men lose interest. Combat this one by ensuring you only date men that ARE on the same page as you. It’s okay to want a long-term thing; just don’t date the guys who aren’t ready for that right now. It’s okay for him to also have his own wants; giving him space, if this is his reason, will have him coming back to you more than a freak-out for leading you on will.
- You did something that upset him and haven’t owned it. It may be difficult to look at your actions with an objective perspective, but try your best to do so. No one is perfect, so we all make mistakes. When you make a mistake, embrace the maturity to recognize your error and apologize. If he’s lost interest because of something you did, and you know it, owning it and asking for his forgiveness is the right thing to do and shows you care about his feelings. You two will not be able to go forward until you’ve repaired your past.
- There’s someone else. Sad but true, this happens a lot. He may just not have the guts to tell you. The only way to prevent this from happening is to be an awesome girlfriend. Be cool, but don’t try too hard and don’t pressure him into being yours forever.
- He simply didn’t feel the same click. Sometimes it just happens. You can’t fake chemistry, and sometimes guys will date a woman for a long time trying to make it click, even though it never does. So he fades out or cuts things off when he finally realizes it just isn’t going to work. If you’ve been with a guy for a while and this happens, take comfort in the fact that he still thought you were awesome enough to invest all that time. It’s nobody’s fault when the chemistry isn’t there; it just is what it is. Move on, and find the guy that will give you the fireworks you deserve.
- You’re TOO available. This manifests in everything from having sex too soon to asking him to marry you on date three. If you don’t have a life outside of him, he will run faster than he can say, “Check please!” A little mystery goes a LONG way. Keep him guessing in the same way he keeps you guessing, and you will drive him crazy, but in the good way.
- You’re needy. Men love to be needed yes, they don’t love to know that your day can not function without knowing all of their whereabouts and all of their actions. Yes, you CAN kill that spider in your closet all on your own; he doesn’t need to be dragged out of his client meeting to help you every time you break a nail.
The Bottom Line
When it comes to men, they can be difficult creatures to understand. The slow blow-off, or the fade away, seems to be much more common today than in dating days past. The truth is sometimes it’s just easier for men to fade to black rather than just being honest with you about what’s going on. While every relationship has its own reason for where the love faded, all you need to remember is that it’s not always about you, and sometimes, you’re just better off. Your girlfriends are right: you are awesome, and the right one will come along. And sometimes, the right one isn’t a new guy at all but this same guy who lost you once and then realized what a fool he was for doing so.